9.19.12 (while trying to decide which scientific calculator to spend his allowance on): I think I'll go with the pink one. (Oh yeah? Why's that?) Well , you see, it's just that I've been thinking. You know how you have to have red to make pink? And you have to have red to get purple? And, you know, red is my favourite colour, so it would just be sort of like limiting my favourite colour if I didn't let anything be pink or purple. And, isn't it kind of silly to think of colours as boys and girls? I mean it's not like they have bodies and (stage whisper) penises or vaginas.
9.17.12 So Mommy, if another creature comes from another planet and decides to eat up all the humans, well, I think we should just give up with the fighting and just be like oh well, I guess I'm going to get eaten today! I mean, think about it this way: cows and pigs and chickens don't probably want to get eaten, but it's not like they get an army together or anything.
9.13.12 Daddy, I was thinking about: what if you were the doctor and I was the patient and you told me to open wide and I did and I burped!
9.6.12 Falling into a wailing mass on the floor after scratching his finger on the cheese grater: Why? Why would you let me bleed to death here on this cold, cold floor?
8.29.12 I wouldn't go anywhere near a chicken with an odd moustache.
4.23.11 In the car on the way home after seeing the Easter Bunny at the gym: It's getting funky in here. Rabbit funky.
3.18.11 In regards to the "Bad Mommy Detector" that he built at school: "A bad mommy is a mommy who talks with her teeth closed like this even when that kid has done practically nothing wrong." (And am I a bad mommy?) "Well, sometimes, but I am becoming really good at recognizing when your teeth are getting tight."
2.14.11 (After testing from 9am to 1pm: Are you hungry, buddy?) Yep. I think I thought away all my breakfast, even down to my banana.
2.2.11 Happy Birthday, Mommy! Do you even know how old you are today?
1.25.11 Ohhhh, Mommy. I am too sick to go to school today. I have a fever way down in my soul.
1.18.11 But Mommy, how did my DNA know I was supposed to be a boy? (Well, DNA has these things called chromosomes. Some are x's and some are y's. If your DNA has two x's, you're a girl. If your DNA has an x and a y, you're a boy.) Well, I think it must be that y one, then. That's why I don't sometimes follow the rules. Because Mommy? Mommies make the rules, but Daddies are made to just break them. (thinks for a minute) That makes me glad I will probably be a Daddy when I grow up.
8.1.10 What do you mean chicken? Like the chicken we eat or the chickens on the farm? (Well, Bug, they're actually the same thing.) No, I don't think they are. I think I would remember how feathers taste.
7.25.10 Mommy, do you remember when we went to Aunt Sarah's? Do you remember all my cousins? I liked playing with my cousins. But we had to sit for a very long time go get there and my bum got more tired than it has ever been. I don't know if we should sit that much again.
7.23.10 I am a very good swimmer, you know. I think I could probably race a fish. But it would have to swim in the pool.
7.19.10 I was not lying! I was TRUTHING!
6.23.10 (When did you start reading so well, Bug?) Well, you know I'm not going to be a baby forever. Sometimes I need to read things for myself.
5.10.10 (referring to his DNA) Okay, Mommy, I know it's about the DNA. But how did it get inside me? Did I eat it when I was a baby?
4.26.10 Mommy, let me tell you about that song. Your voice was all crooked and the words were all crooked when you forgot and you sang it very bad. But you with think about that and next time? You will be better.
3.2.10 Well, hang on a minute. I have to think about what I am going to tell you first. I don't want you to get mad, you know.
2.27.10 (singing happily while on the toilet) Daddy is a farty clown. And he farts and farts all day long and even when he is happy he is farty because he is a faaar-teeee clown.
1.26.10 But it needs to be cooked, Mommy. Remember? I'm the chef. I'm the one who makes things. But you are the cook. So let's go cook it. Come on, Mommy.
1.12.10 It doesn't feel like a new year, so how do you know it is one?
12.22.09 (standing in front of the fireplace, looking worried) Mommy, I don't think Santa Claus can hear me. We better look up his phone number on the internet and make sure he remembers 'bout my dump truck.
12.15.09 I think we need to look it up because I really don't know about how night works and all that.
11.15.09 It's a disaster. And it will never be fixed unless I recharge my battery. So, Mommy? Can I have just one cookie?
10.24.09 (after a big drink) Ahhhh. That's just what I want in an apple juice.
10.17.09 (9:00 pm, after an 8:00 bedtime): Well, I don't think I am quite ready to sleep, so I'm just readin' a story to Cookie Monster. So he won't be afraid of the dark and then he will keep me safe.
10.15.09 (in response to the suggestion that he should wash his dishes after making soup in his kitchen. Looks like we need to change up the status quo around here...): But I'm not the mommy.
10.13.09 (in REI, loudly, of course) But Mommy, now that my hands are in my pockets, I can't pick off the boogers that are stuck to my teeth.
9.27.09: I wanna be a car doctor for Halloween. Then I can fix the Jeep so that the engine is in the back and the spare tire is in the front just like on Daddy's fancy schmancy car. That would be much better if they were the same.
9.8.09: Mommy, how come do I need a "start" and a "cancel" on my microwave? (Well, how else will you get it to start and stop?) I could probably just use a code and dial in the numbers and then that will send the signal to the right gears and then the 'lectronics will auto...auto... well, they will know just what to do."
9.3.09 (at school): Ms. Shirley, "hansel" is when you are very smart and can figure stuff out and people will want to be around you. And, Ms. Shirley? I am very hansel.
8.23.09 (in the bath): So here's da plan. Dis is da tow-truck and it's gonna take the boat to the other side. Step aside, froggies! Outta da way!
8.13.09: I fink maybe it is a battery issue. Did you maybe have a 'matic (pneumatic) wrench so I can see what da problem is?
8.05.09 (in answer to "Do you want to be just like Daddy when you grow up?"): No, I wanna be the man who makes the pancakes and puts the blueberries on them.
7.19.09: Mommy, when is Daddy coming home? (We'll pick him up at the airport tomorrow, buddy. Are you excited?) Yeah. I'm kinda tired of talking to you all the time.
7.13.09 (on catching me snatch a bite of his cookie): Mommy James! I fink maybe dat was a bad choice. You need a time out until you can make better choices.
7.4.09 (To Daddy): That's the plan, ChickenNuggets!
6.29.09: I'm vewy fwustwated and angwy wight now. (Why?) Because it was my choice but you made me a boy instead of a wobot and I don't have any bolts or gears or... or... or NUFFIN' wike that. And that's why I am so angwy and fwustwated with you.
6.25.09: I'm sowwy but, well you're a little bit wong because WED is my favorite colow, but this has yellow on the stwipe wight here. So you see, it's kinda yellow AND wed. You see? You see that you are wong now?
6.26.09: Momma, you know, the mail... the mail... Who bwings us the mail? (The mail carrier?) That's wight. The mail cawwiew? Well, that job is sorta like being Santa Claus. 'Cause, you hafta be asleep or that's not when the mail will come. If you wait at the box? No mail for you.